Sweet Silence

We made it to Vegas. Got a chance to talk with my in-laws to tell them about the biopsy news and have dinner Wednesday night and then I was just done. I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I didn't want to eat I was so tired. Thought I would fall asleep in my soup! I was just exhausted. We got back to our hotel room around 9:30 10 ish. I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I had brought some candles and we had a lonely bathtub just calling my name. Do you know how long it has been since I have taken a bath??? Yes I do shower people, stay with me here, stay focused. I mean really take a bath. Low lighting, candles, no noise, no interruptions and the time! Gosh, who has the time now a days to take a long drawn bath. So I did and wow. What a difference. I thought it was maybe 20 to 30 minutes max. I really did. Dan said I was in there for an hour and 15 minutes. How crazy is that. I sat in the dark enjoying the shadows on the wall. The smell of the candle something harvesty or pumpkin-ey in smell. The warm water and the silence. The sweet silence. No thinking, no to do lists, no work, no worries! Just me and only me, the sound of my breathing and the occasional noise that Sophia makes as she moves around within me when I am still and quiet.

I became very aware of my existence in that bathtub. Have you ever just taken the time to discover your hand? I know you have all done this. Marveled at your unique finger prints, the way your hands are built, the length of your fingers. Are they your mom's fingers and dad's hands? You know what I am talking about. Well I did this but not so much with my hands but with the water. I watched closely as the water droplets formed and dripped off of each of my fingertips. How the water rolled up and beaded on my hand and yet formed the same exact tear drop each time before it leapt from my finger tips. Quickly at first and then more slowly until there was no water left to escape from my palm. Another dip into the water with my hand and the process started all over again. Each drop the same yet unique and different. Perfect in its own rite. So little and not enough on its own, but so powerful and devastating in quantity. My little bathtub. My water. My droplets. My sweet silence.