Can It Be Possible..... The Morning Sickness Is Back????

This week has been a little weird in the morning and early afternoon. I have started getting headaches again and my stomach is just not happy with me. Is it possible after 2 and a half months that my morning sickness is back??? Say it ain't so. My headaches hurt so much I just want to take a nap and sleep them off. Not an option at work. I am always starving but terrified of eating so that I don't throw up. Not an option at work either. I am sooooo glad it is Friday though. 2 days to sort of relax. Maybe I can take a nap during the day Saturday and Sunday. Maybe that will help. Working on some chicken soup right now in hopes it miraculously fixes my aches and pains. Ever feel like passing out on your keyboard? Yup, I'm right there right now. No narcolepsy just let me put my head down I can't hold it up any more. Signing off for now.....

I Like To Eat, Eat, Eat Apples & Bananas.....

So I have found Sophia's favorites...... apple juice and bananas. When ever I eat them she goes crazy in my stomach yanking on her legs, punching and kicking, pulling on her umbilical cord. Do you remember the old Adams Family TV show. Where Gomez and Mortisia would yank on the braided carpet tassel pulley and the butler would come in and say "You Rang"? It's kind of like that with Sophia. LOL I drink the apple juice or have a banana and she goes nuts. She yanks on her umbilical cord for "More" to ring mommy. Haaaaaa I love it. She cracks me up. She already has a sense of humor. Sounds like she is a chip off the old block.

She's been super active this week. More so than ever before. I started week 23 yesterday and am 2 weeks away from finishing my 6th month and starting my 7th. Can you believe it has gone by so fast already??!! I also popped this week to. She is my little soldier. She is finally standing at attention and my belly sticks out now. I carry much higher now. 

I think she likes it when I sing..... well let me rephrase that. I think she likes it when I hum and warble like a dead and dying cow. I think she feels it's comforting. Hay, I wasn't blessed with a set of golden pipes but I can belt it out like the rest of you. God says make a pleasing noise unto him so I took that as if you can't sing, sing loud! LOL

So here's to more juice, more nanas and bad renditions of Pat Benatar's "Love is A Battlefield".

My Health Update

I have had a chance to talk to my baby Dr. about my recent biopsy. He has asked me to get the biopsy results from my previous Dr. who diagnosed me and took care of me 18 months ago so we can all be on the same page. From what my baby Dr. can deduce, he believes the 2 cancers are unrelated. He also believes that since we caught both of them so early on in what he is calling Stage 0 or the pre-cancerous stages and they were removed at this stage that I am cancer free so to speak. However, my body keeps creating these cancerous cells and depositing them in different places of my body. This is cause for concern especially since the time frame has only been between the 2 cases 18 months and now I am pregnant and can take nothing, be treated for nothing and can not really be checked for additional cancer areas given I am pregnant. Much of this will be a waiting game until January after Sophia is born. They can do a full exam and if necessary any removal surgery for internal purposes after she is born. I don't believe that this was a coincidence by any means. We just need more data, more results and more time to figure it all out while monitoring Sophia to make sure she is healthy. I can fight and survive and wait until January for further action. In the mean time our focus is on Sophia to make sure that this is not effecting her in any way shape or form. A lot is still up in the air. Nothing is conclusive. Everything is speculation right now. There are still so many questions to be answered and unfortunately at this stage my Dr.'s just don't have any answers. It may be a long 3 months but as long as Sophia is safe and healthy and born without complications, the next 3 months of doing whatever we need to do will be worth it.

I Am A Living Version Of A Drum Set

So Sophia thinks Mommy is a drum set. Her own personal drum set might I add. The kick counter is off the charts this week. Not only have I "popped" this week and am feeling "larger than life", but my daughter thinks its funny to kick me 15 to 27 times in a row and bang on my belly with her fists. Diva? Maybe. Temper Tantrum? Not likely. Rock Star? You better believe it!!!! LOL Dan felt her last night kick me super hard and he couldn't believe how bad that must feel for me from the inside out. My neighbor Nikki got to feel too and started giggling incessantly. I couldn't stop laughing at her laughing. It made me have to pee I laughed myself so hard. Is is possible to have bruises from the inside out from being punched and kicked like this? I think it's time to have a stern talk with my daughter and lay down some rules about parental abuse. LOL

Life's Firsts

We usually look at life in regards to firsts...... first steps, firsts words, first day of school, etc. But what about Firsts from a mom's perspective. I am a first time mom, with my first daughter. I have gotten my first piece of furniture, our first crib, Sophia's first toy and now as of Saturday, her first blankie and first sets of clothes. Daniel and I had dinner with long time friends Jim and Lisa Herz. Lisa could not contain herself and wait until my upcoming baby shower and so she went shopping early. We got a purple blanket, jeans, skirts, shorts, leggings, tops, onesies, long sleeve tees, socks and something to sleep in. They were adorable. She did great with the "keep it on the down low with all the pink stuff". Dan was very pleased with that. LOL There were some I love Mommy stuff and I love Daddy stuff to boot. Soooooo cute. And so tiny too. I was looking at the little leggings and was tickled pink about how tiny her toosh is going to be to fit into all of these things. Awww I feel the nesting phase coming on already. So excited for all the little things that are going to happen over the next month as we get closer and closer. I look forward to just taking it all in and soaking it all up.

My little Bubble....

Thank you to all of you who read my blog from earlier this week and sent Daniel, Sophia and I love and prayers. It's so weird. We all use texting, social media, emails, etc to connect and none of them are personal by any means. They are tons faster and easier and they get the job done sooner. For example, I can call a friend, leave a message and not hear from her for days. But if I text her, I hear right back. That's kind of how I felt about my blog earlier this week. I just needed to get it out there in cyber space to get it off of my chest. I didn't care who it went to, who saw it or how they felt about it. I felt better as a result of it. Sometimes we live in a little bubble. We connect personally with our close family and friends and then it doesn't go much beyond that. For me, my blog allows me to extend that little bubble to the "Are You There God It's Me Margaret" crowd out there in cyber space. In essence whoever is listening. I don't know who I am talking to, who is seeing this, what they think of me as a result and what they are doing about it. It just simply gives me a chance to share with others so that they don't feel like they are the only one and in turn I hope that I am not alone either. I have to admit I like my little bubble. Many people do. The close comfort of those you love and care about that keep your secrets and share your pain and happiness. In regards to the news Daniel and I have received earlier this week, I think that's what I'll do. I will keep it just within my tight little bubble of people. I don't want to have to explain myself, to pity myself, to explain the situation or have to let other people know its ok that this is happening to me to make them feel better about being around me or to dry their tears so I can move on and dry my own. And I will share this with those of you who read my blog. My "T.V. Land Family" so to speak. Are you out there?

Sweet Silence

We made it to Vegas. Got a chance to talk with my in-laws to tell them about the biopsy news and have dinner Wednesday night and then I was just done. I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I didn't want to eat I was so tired. Thought I would fall asleep in my soup! I was just exhausted. We got back to our hotel room around 9:30 10 ish. I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I had brought some candles and we had a lonely bathtub just calling my name. Do you know how long it has been since I have taken a bath??? Yes I do shower people, stay with me here, stay focused. I mean really take a bath. Low lighting, candles, no noise, no interruptions and the time! Gosh, who has the time now a days to take a long drawn bath. So I did and wow. What a difference. I thought it was maybe 20 to 30 minutes max. I really did. Dan said I was in there for an hour and 15 minutes. How crazy is that. I sat in the dark enjoying the shadows on the wall. The smell of the candle something harvesty or pumpkin-ey in smell. The warm water and the silence. The sweet silence. No thinking, no to do lists, no work, no worries! Just me and only me, the sound of my breathing and the occasional noise that Sophia makes as she moves around within me when I am still and quiet.

I became very aware of my existence in that bathtub. Have you ever just taken the time to discover your hand? I know you have all done this. Marveled at your unique finger prints, the way your hands are built, the length of your fingers. Are they your mom's fingers and dad's hands? You know what I am talking about. Well I did this but not so much with my hands but with the water. I watched closely as the water droplets formed and dripped off of each of my fingertips. How the water rolled up and beaded on my hand and yet formed the same exact tear drop each time before it leapt from my finger tips. Quickly at first and then more slowly until there was no water left to escape from my palm. Another dip into the water with my hand and the process started all over again. Each drop the same yet unique and different. Perfect in its own rite. So little and not enough on its own, but so powerful and devastating in quantity. My little bathtub. My water. My droplets. My sweet silence.