Can It Be Possible..... The Morning Sickness Is Back????

This week has been a little weird in the morning and early afternoon. I have started getting headaches again and my stomach is just not happy with me. Is it possible after 2 and a half months that my morning sickness is back??? Say it ain't so. My headaches hurt so much I just want to take a nap and sleep them off. Not an option at work. I am always starving but terrified of eating so that I don't throw up. Not an option at work either. I am sooooo glad it is Friday though. 2 days to sort of relax. Maybe I can take a nap during the day Saturday and Sunday. Maybe that will help. Working on some chicken soup right now in hopes it miraculously fixes my aches and pains. Ever feel like passing out on your keyboard? Yup, I'm right there right now. No narcolepsy just let me put my head down I can't hold it up any more. Signing off for now.....

I Like To Eat, Eat, Eat Apples & Bananas.....

So I have found Sophia's favorites...... apple juice and bananas. When ever I eat them she goes crazy in my stomach yanking on her legs, punching and kicking, pulling on her umbilical cord. Do you remember the old Adams Family TV show. Where Gomez and Mortisia would yank on the braided carpet tassel pulley and the butler would come in and say "You Rang"? It's kind of like that with Sophia. LOL I drink the apple juice or have a banana and she goes nuts. She yanks on her umbilical cord for "More" to ring mommy. Haaaaaa I love it. She cracks me up. She already has a sense of humor. Sounds like she is a chip off the old block.

She's been super active this week. More so than ever before. I started week 23 yesterday and am 2 weeks away from finishing my 6th month and starting my 7th. Can you believe it has gone by so fast already??!! I also popped this week to. She is my little soldier. She is finally standing at attention and my belly sticks out now. I carry much higher now. 

I think she likes it when I sing..... well let me rephrase that. I think she likes it when I hum and warble like a dead and dying cow. I think she feels it's comforting. Hay, I wasn't blessed with a set of golden pipes but I can belt it out like the rest of you. God says make a pleasing noise unto him so I took that as if you can't sing, sing loud! LOL

So here's to more juice, more nanas and bad renditions of Pat Benatar's "Love is A Battlefield".

My Health Update

I have had a chance to talk to my baby Dr. about my recent biopsy. He has asked me to get the biopsy results from my previous Dr. who diagnosed me and took care of me 18 months ago so we can all be on the same page. From what my baby Dr. can deduce, he believes the 2 cancers are unrelated. He also believes that since we caught both of them so early on in what he is calling Stage 0 or the pre-cancerous stages and they were removed at this stage that I am cancer free so to speak. However, my body keeps creating these cancerous cells and depositing them in different places of my body. This is cause for concern especially since the time frame has only been between the 2 cases 18 months and now I am pregnant and can take nothing, be treated for nothing and can not really be checked for additional cancer areas given I am pregnant. Much of this will be a waiting game until January after Sophia is born. They can do a full exam and if necessary any removal surgery for internal purposes after she is born. I don't believe that this was a coincidence by any means. We just need more data, more results and more time to figure it all out while monitoring Sophia to make sure she is healthy. I can fight and survive and wait until January for further action. In the mean time our focus is on Sophia to make sure that this is not effecting her in any way shape or form. A lot is still up in the air. Nothing is conclusive. Everything is speculation right now. There are still so many questions to be answered and unfortunately at this stage my Dr.'s just don't have any answers. It may be a long 3 months but as long as Sophia is safe and healthy and born without complications, the next 3 months of doing whatever we need to do will be worth it.

I Am A Living Version Of A Drum Set

So Sophia thinks Mommy is a drum set. Her own personal drum set might I add. The kick counter is off the charts this week. Not only have I "popped" this week and am feeling "larger than life", but my daughter thinks its funny to kick me 15 to 27 times in a row and bang on my belly with her fists. Diva? Maybe. Temper Tantrum? Not likely. Rock Star? You better believe it!!!! LOL Dan felt her last night kick me super hard and he couldn't believe how bad that must feel for me from the inside out. My neighbor Nikki got to feel too and started giggling incessantly. I couldn't stop laughing at her laughing. It made me have to pee I laughed myself so hard. Is is possible to have bruises from the inside out from being punched and kicked like this? I think it's time to have a stern talk with my daughter and lay down some rules about parental abuse. LOL

Life's Firsts

We usually look at life in regards to firsts...... first steps, firsts words, first day of school, etc. But what about Firsts from a mom's perspective. I am a first time mom, with my first daughter. I have gotten my first piece of furniture, our first crib, Sophia's first toy and now as of Saturday, her first blankie and first sets of clothes. Daniel and I had dinner with long time friends Jim and Lisa Herz. Lisa could not contain herself and wait until my upcoming baby shower and so she went shopping early. We got a purple blanket, jeans, skirts, shorts, leggings, tops, onesies, long sleeve tees, socks and something to sleep in. They were adorable. She did great with the "keep it on the down low with all the pink stuff". Dan was very pleased with that. LOL There were some I love Mommy stuff and I love Daddy stuff to boot. Soooooo cute. And so tiny too. I was looking at the little leggings and was tickled pink about how tiny her toosh is going to be to fit into all of these things. Awww I feel the nesting phase coming on already. So excited for all the little things that are going to happen over the next month as we get closer and closer. I look forward to just taking it all in and soaking it all up.

My little Bubble....

Thank you to all of you who read my blog from earlier this week and sent Daniel, Sophia and I love and prayers. It's so weird. We all use texting, social media, emails, etc to connect and none of them are personal by any means. They are tons faster and easier and they get the job done sooner. For example, I can call a friend, leave a message and not hear from her for days. But if I text her, I hear right back. That's kind of how I felt about my blog earlier this week. I just needed to get it out there in cyber space to get it off of my chest. I didn't care who it went to, who saw it or how they felt about it. I felt better as a result of it. Sometimes we live in a little bubble. We connect personally with our close family and friends and then it doesn't go much beyond that. For me, my blog allows me to extend that little bubble to the "Are You There God It's Me Margaret" crowd out there in cyber space. In essence whoever is listening. I don't know who I am talking to, who is seeing this, what they think of me as a result and what they are doing about it. It just simply gives me a chance to share with others so that they don't feel like they are the only one and in turn I hope that I am not alone either. I have to admit I like my little bubble. Many people do. The close comfort of those you love and care about that keep your secrets and share your pain and happiness. In regards to the news Daniel and I have received earlier this week, I think that's what I'll do. I will keep it just within my tight little bubble of people. I don't want to have to explain myself, to pity myself, to explain the situation or have to let other people know its ok that this is happening to me to make them feel better about being around me or to dry their tears so I can move on and dry my own. And I will share this with those of you who read my blog. My "T.V. Land Family" so to speak. Are you out there?

Sweet Silence

We made it to Vegas. Got a chance to talk with my in-laws to tell them about the biopsy news and have dinner Wednesday night and then I was just done. I couldn't stand, I couldn't walk, I didn't want to eat I was so tired. Thought I would fall asleep in my soup! I was just exhausted. We got back to our hotel room around 9:30 10 ish. I suddenly had a brilliant idea. I had brought some candles and we had a lonely bathtub just calling my name. Do you know how long it has been since I have taken a bath??? Yes I do shower people, stay with me here, stay focused. I mean really take a bath. Low lighting, candles, no noise, no interruptions and the time! Gosh, who has the time now a days to take a long drawn bath. So I did and wow. What a difference. I thought it was maybe 20 to 30 minutes max. I really did. Dan said I was in there for an hour and 15 minutes. How crazy is that. I sat in the dark enjoying the shadows on the wall. The smell of the candle something harvesty or pumpkin-ey in smell. The warm water and the silence. The sweet silence. No thinking, no to do lists, no work, no worries! Just me and only me, the sound of my breathing and the occasional noise that Sophia makes as she moves around within me when I am still and quiet.

I became very aware of my existence in that bathtub. Have you ever just taken the time to discover your hand? I know you have all done this. Marveled at your unique finger prints, the way your hands are built, the length of your fingers. Are they your mom's fingers and dad's hands? You know what I am talking about. Well I did this but not so much with my hands but with the water. I watched closely as the water droplets formed and dripped off of each of my fingertips. How the water rolled up and beaded on my hand and yet formed the same exact tear drop each time before it leapt from my finger tips. Quickly at first and then more slowly until there was no water left to escape from my palm. Another dip into the water with my hand and the process started all over again. Each drop the same yet unique and different. Perfect in its own rite. So little and not enough on its own, but so powerful and devastating in quantity. My little bathtub. My water. My droplets. My sweet silence.

Very Serious Post- Don't Read Unless You Are Prepared For Devastating News

I have Cancer. There. I have said it out loud, so why doesn't it feel any better. The last 12 hours have been painful for Daniel and I. I had my stitches removed yesterday morning and I got a call from the Dr. last night at 6:30pm. He told me the biopsy had come back and it was cancer. A rare form of cancer that he has heard of and has learned of but has never seen a case of. Kind of like unicorns. We all know what they are, we have read about them but no one has ever seen one. He feels confident though since we got all of the tissue when doing the biopsy plus the root. He considers me cancer free. What he didn't know is that 18 months ago I was diagnosed with cancer near my cervix. I had 4 tumors consisting of mutanagenic cells, 2 malignant, 2 benign that were caught early in stage 1. Daniel and I had been married for only 6 months and the idea of losing me was more than he could bare. We wanted to have children so the traditional surgery to remove them was out of the question. They used a different procedure, removed them and then monitored me for 1 year afterwards. Last June I was diagnosed as cancer free and now this. At this, the Dr. was very concerned. He said he was going to be in contact with my baby Dr. and they were going to be in contact with me shortly. Am I moving towards dying (Me) or am I moving towards life (Sophia). I just can't tell. My life, my body is an oxymoron right now. I am devastated and yet relieved. Look at all I have accomplished, all I have done, all I have gone through and I still got pregnant. Death and destruction CAN breed life. And yet none of this is comforting right now. Is my child being affected, is she in pain, is she healthy, will I carry to term, will I lose my child, will I never she her sweet little face? Will I die, what is my time frame, will I have enough time with my daughter to tell her how much I love her and show her what she means to me and her father- how she has become the center of our universe and the love of our life? I didn't ask myself any of these questions before. One because I wasn't pregnant and two because I wanted to ignore the situation even though I was terrified and was trying to think happy thoughts and hope for the best. Now my mortality is coming into play. I am a strong Christian woman and damn proud of it. I know my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and I know where I am going after my time is up here on Earth. I just didn't think it might be this soon. Much of this I know is prelim. We don't know how bad it is or whether or not there is more of it. No point in being fatalistic but being realistic is not a sin. I know I can play what if all day long, but I have to be honest with myself. There is a chance that all of these things I am thinking could happen. My mind wanders and I think of Daniel. The love of my life. The man who taught me how to love again. The one who complimented me not completed me. He taught me I was whole unto myself and that noone could complete me. My adventure man. The one I trust my life to. And then there is Sophia, my daughter, my baby. Every little girl dreams of growing up, meeting her prince charming, getting married and being a mom. I am finally at that point in time in my life. I am so excited for this new chapter in my life and now dreadfully terrified all wrapped up in one. I want to live but would be willing to die for her. How can I be both paradoxes at once? There is so much that is up in the air. Family to call, discussion to be had, specialists to see. I will try my hardest to not stress and have anxiety. It is not good for Sophia. And so my life takes a different turn. Not a turn for the worse or one for the better. Just a turn. I don't know what lies ahead or what we are in for. All I know is that I am a fighter. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. I am stuborn and will not go down without a fight. Here is to the good fight. That the best woman wins!!!!!

Having A Rough Couple of Days....

We have all been there. We have all had a bad day or a bad week. It's been a bad couple of days for me health wise. I recently had a biopsy done on some of my skin (no results yet) resulting in stitches which have bothered me for the past week and low and behold I am suddenly allergic to Band-Aids. We found that out after they put a bunch of band-aids on my wound to cover it. I got a terrible case of allergies that have been plaguing me since last Tuesday and between the itchy watery eyes, running nose and the fact that I can't hear (what did you say????), I am functioning. Dr. will only allow me to take certain medicines over the counter since I am pregnant. Which by the way they are all regular strength and none of them work. Sophia seems just content in her little warm condo that Mommie built her all the while I am suffering on the surface. Little rays of sunshine this week though: Going out of town for a mini vacation with the Hubbie and In-Laws to Vegas, my girl Lauren got married over the weekend (Congrats!) and my best friend from high school Shannon found out that she is having a boy (Woo Hoo!!!). Guess I should not be complaining but I was forewarned that being sick while pregnant was the pitts. They were right. Any ideas for some homeopathic remedies????

I Need a Head Transplant

For the past 3 days I have had severe allergies. Worse than any year before. I think it is a result of really not being able to take the medications I know that work for my body given the fact that I am pregnant. I am allowed Sucrets lozenges, Claritan regular strength and Benadryl. None of which I can tell you are working. Running nose, red nose, I can't hear out of my right ear, my glands are swollen, I have itchy, watery eyes and my throat feels like I need to scratch it out. It is definitely not a cold. That would be more head than anything else.

I am not sleeping to boot and Sophia knows it. She is taking advantage of the situation to be up at night while I can't sleep and kicking me. Lovely. So I can't sleep, can't breathe, can't smell, can't hear and can't swallow. Time for a head transplant if I ever needed one. What's worse is I have a career fair tomorrow, yes that would be Saturday, I am at the Dr.'s to get my stitches out on Monday (long story), and I am on a plane with Dan for vacation Tuesday night. I better get better quick otherwise I am going to be hating life over the next week.

That Baby Smell...

I was softly lulled to sleep last night to the smell of a brand new wood finished crib. That sawdust smell of fresh wood like you were at a barn dance or had walked into a saw mill. It was a beautiful scent and one that brought me comfort in knowing we now had a crib for Sophia and that she soon would be here. Daniel and I finalized the spelling of her name Sophia Roselyn LeBlanc. And now my heart is full.

I look forward to the days ahead of sharing this special time in my life with my family and friends. To over sized bottles of baby powder and baby wipes that softly scent the air with just a wisp of an impending child. To the smell of Dreft Baby Detergent slowly filling the house as I wash all of Sophia's soon to be worn clothing and bedding. To the softness of her crib sheets as I make her bed in preparation for her. My eyes begin to water and my thoughts turn to my unborn child. Will she look like her Daddy? Will she look like me? Will she look like her ancestors who have come and gone before us. Will that be my Grandmother Teresa's nose or my Father-In-Laws smile? Will she love me the way I love her already and she isn't even here yet? Will she know how special she is? So many sought after answers, too many unanswered questions, so little time to prepare for such a large blessing as this. God, thank you for our little miracle. May she be as perfect as you have created her to be!

Larry, Moe & Curly Plus A Pregnant Woman....

That's right, it was total mayhem and comedic relief at Target yesterday. Brad and Nikki from next door went with Dan and I to register. We got 1 scanner between the 4 of us. I gave it to Dan so he felt included and an important part of this process. At first, I thought that by doing that it was a good thing. I quickly changed my mind. Dan and Brad started scanning EVERYTHING! And I do mean everything. They scanned all of the clothing in the maternity section regardless of the color, look or size. Then they proceeded down the toy aisle. They then scanned everything down the baby food aisle as well. It was crazy. Nikki and I finally created a plan. Nikki and I would grab what we needed, put it into the cart, Dan would scan it and Nikki would know how many of each to scan and then Brad would put everything back on the shelf. That worked for about and hour and then the boys hit the kids clothing section. The pants, skirts, shirts, hats, sunglasses, boys clothes, girls clothes went flying. I just couldn't keep up. The boys were having fun so you know what, sometimes you just have to pick your battles. So needless to say, after 2 hours at Target I was exhausted. We turned in the scanner and then I spent most of last night on line going back through the registry and erasing the damage. LOL What a good time had by all and it was great to have the support of good friends like Brad and Nikki along for the ride.

Secret Squirrel: Alpha, Bravo & Charlie Company....

Secret Mission Impossible: Call Sign "Baby Registry" will commence at 1000 hours this Sunday. We will be registering at Babies 'R Us and Target. And..... we have a plan!!!  A diabolical one a that. Dan and I agreed that he might get babied out by all of the registry stuff. So he and I (Alpha Team) will go to Babies 'R Us together and register for the big things on our list first. Our friends Brad and Nikki will meet up with us as a result forming Teams Bravo (Nikki and I) and Charlie (Brad and Dan). Charlie Team will take off and do non baby related Charlie Team things while Bravo Team takes on Target and the remainder of the Mission. There is only one outcome here people: a successful mission. It will take everything we have got. Stay strong, build your endurance now. Prepare MRE's and appropriate rations while you can. No soldier will be left behind. This is my registry scanner. There are many of them like it, but this one is mine. Hoo Rah!!! Go, Go, GO!!!!!!

Breaking News: Stop The Presses!

IT'S A GIRL!!!! I repeat. IT'S A GIRL!!!! That's right. The ultrasound went great yesterday and my little bundle of joy is doing well. She is happy and very healthy and enjoying life. Did I mention her head is the size of a bowling ball already. Sheesh! Any bigger and she is just not coming out. LOL Her name will be Sophia Rosalind LeBlanc. Don't quote me on the spelling just yet. Dan and I are working on that to make it just perfect. She is still due January 26th, 2012. We have decided on a theme for the nursery of Animals. Zoo animals, Safari animals, Rain Forest animals. Also, we are both not big fans of pink. Sorry..... but we aren't. So we were thinking more along the lines of like a violet purple and kiwi green (think Tinkerbell colors) or a chocolate brown and a Tiffany's shade of teal blue. We think any of these will do. We just don't want a bottle of Pepto Bismal Pink to vomit all over our house. We know we will still get a lot of pink but we are just trying to keep it to a minimum.

Countdown Time People: Tee Minus 3 hours.....

That's right, it's D-Day. We have our 20 week ultrasound today and we get to find out if it is a boy or a girl. I can not wait. I am on pins and needles. Oh how I hope the baby cooperates on the ultrasound so we can find out for sure today. I just don't think I could stand the wait if it took any longer. I am desperately excited about registering at Target and Babies 'R Us this weekend and I just don't think I can do the registry justice if I don't know if it is a boy or a girl. Daniel is sooooo excited too. The last time he saw our baby on an ultrasound he said it looked like a chicken McNugget. He hopes the baby doesn't pop out with a side of fries super sized. LOL Also, Dan hit a hug milestone last night. He was rubbing my belly once I got home from a night time career fair last night and he actually got to feel the baby move. You should have seen the look on his face. It was like a deer in headlights. I wish I could have captured it on film. It was such a precious moment. I will never forget it. Now maybe it will be easier for him to connect with the baby seeing as though after today it will be more tangible and he will be able to interact with it and touch it/feel it.

I will keep all of you posted and will blog again tonight with the good news. STAY TUNED!!!!!!

The Wonderful, Wide, Wacky World of Strollers

Have you ever just looked at a stroller.  I mean really looked at one. They are interesting. They are your child's first true form of mobility. Do you remember getting your learners permit or your drivers license. The freedom and excitement that came with it was unsurpassed. A stroller is like that to a baby. They can see the sights, view new things, experience new colors, tap into a whole new world of tangible objects to touch and check out (as well as put in their mouth). Baby's learn through so many different avenues.

I am currently stroller shopping and I feel like I am at a loss. I think the stroller dilemma may just be the death of me. I think I may actually have my first emotional hormonal break down over strollers. (How strange.) I want just the right one and I want it to last. Day trips, weekend trips, trips to theme parks, mobility, traveling, I want it all. My life will not end just because I have a child. I want to make sure that they get to experience everything life has to offer along the way and that includes tagging along with mom and dad on all of our adventures. But how to get the baby there and make the travel along the way easier is just a conundrum. 3 wheeled, 4 wheeled, hard wheeled, rubber blown up wheels, pivot wheels, extra accessories, pop on and off activity toys, an IPOD player..... REALLY! Jogging strollers, walking strollers, travel systems YEESH! JEEP, Eddie Bauer, Graco, Safety 1st, Peg Pereggo OMG! I would rather pay a little more money for something that all matches and has a baby carrier/car seat and included base for the car then buy everything separate. I don't want to have to buy another stroller as long as kid #1 needs one. I don't have a lot of room and we are a 1 stroller only family. It' countdown time and the pressure is on. Dan and I will probably be spending some time this weekend and next registering for the baby. It's go time. Do or die. If I have to try out every stroller in Target and Babies 'R Us I will. If I have to put Dan into the stroller for maximum effectiveness than by God I will.

My new arch nemesis....... "The Stroller".

I have a little Mexicn in me. No really, I do!

My husband is Mexican and French. I am German and French. I love eating and making Mexican food. Last night Dan make Pork Riblets in Chili Verde sauce in the crock pot. It was delicious. I actually ate a full portion size. (Recently I have been eating more often during the day but kids meal portions) About 20 minutes after dinner, I started getting kicked. I started getting kicked A LOT! 6 kicks in a row. Most I have ever had."I think He/She likes it, honey", I said. Dan said he had watered it down a bit to not be too spicy for the baby or to cause me indigestion. Regardless the baby was happy and had randomly decided to the the "Hat Dance" in my belly. So good to feel movement and regularly. It makes me feel more connected to the baby. When I go long periods of time without movement it makes me nervous. So excited for this week. Dan and I find out if it is a boy or a girl on Thursday at our ultrasound. If the baby cooperates with the ultrasound pictures and we can see everything all right. Keep your fingers crossed!

Nap Time: Um, Excuse Me, Where's My Blankie?

So I guess I have finally gotten to the point in my pregnancy where I am sleepy between 11am and 2pm every day. I don't know if that is my body telling me to slow down or if I actually need the sleep for the baby's sake. All I know is, is that I want to crawl up into a ball (as best as I can, I mean come on I am going on 6 months pregnant it's more like a half moon than a ball LOL), grab a blankie and find a dark spot to sleep in. I feel like a Kindergartner again. Does this nap come with milk? I have been going to bed earlier and earlier every night. Sometimes even at 7:30pm. I crawl into bed and pop in a movie and drift off to sleep. Dan says although I am sleeping it is not quality sleep. Last night he said I twitched in my sleep all night long. Sorry Babe! Guess I've gotta get some sleep now before the baby comes. Apparently I wont get any ever again once the baby is here. I am trying, really I am. I guess sleeping on my side just isn't my thing.

Do The Hokey Pokey and You Turn Yourself Around.....

OK calling all moms-to-be and veteran moms. Seriously, does pregnancy make you feel like you are doing the Hokey Pokey all day long or what? I am constantly pulling up my maternity band stretchy thingy, doing the tinkle dance when there is only 1 stall available, shifting from right to left because my knees and hips hurt, "stand up, sit down, fight, fight, fight!" because my rear end keeps falling asleep and my tail bone is killing me, let alone flexing my toes and feet to make sure my calves don't cramp up. Really. REALLY!!! Do you know how silly I look on a daily basis and what's worse is the "Baby Brain" IS getting worse and I fell out of my office chair 2 days ago. Really! I am not lying. How do you fall out of a chair when it is sitting still. OMG! And everybody keeps telling me it is going to get worse. I have officially decided I am going to run off and join the circus since I already look like I am one myself. LOL